As coaches, we can invest a lot of time and energy in studying different techniques, tools and approaches to coaching. In fact, there is probably a never-ending pool of resources to develop more knowledge, more information, more “how to’s”.

Whilst tools and processes are useful, too much attention on techniques will inhibit the “essence” or natural flow of the coaching relationship, in much the same way as focussing solely on the mechanics of driving a car, or on the steps of salsa, will limit our capacity to be present to the other road-users or to our dance-partners.

One of the things I hear very often from the coaches with whom I work, either as mentor coach, or as trainer is an anxiety about not knowing enough, about needing more techniques or tools in order to be a “good enough” coach, or a “better” coach.

It’s as if it’s not enough to be present to the client, that there has to be something more, some clever technique, or something other than the relationship that needs to be developed in order for “good” coaching to occur.

A couple of thoughts arise from the above.

First of all, when my attention is on how good (or not) my coaching is, then it is NOT on my client – when I am concerned about whether or not I am doing a good job as coach, then I cannot be there for my client. Using the dance analogy above, if I am dancing with someone and I am concerned mainly with whether I am doing the right steps, then I am not really giving my attention to the person I am dancing with, not getting into the flow of the dance.

Secondly an emphasis on doing good coaching suggests a focus on performance rather than being which has two consequences – one of context and one of missed opportunity.

Contextually speaking, in our culture, there is a great deal of emphasis on results, on performance and outcomes. Very often, clients bring an anxiety about performance to their coaching conversations. If we stay in that mood, then we are liable to be continuing the paradigm that results and outcomes are what matters – in that paradigm, coaching won’t be any good unless it has definite outcomes. If, however, we are able to bring a different mood, that of reflection, then we are able to support the client in taking a different perspective, one that includes performance, but also introduces concepts of purpose, reflection, stillness even.

As Debra Valle says: ‘As coaches we must model the pace wherein the heart can be heard and encourage our clients to listen deeply to the life that is passing.’

This raises the second point, that of the possiblity for coaching when we don’t merely attempt to “fix” the client’s problem, or come up with quick solutions. I suggest that, more than anything else, the soul longs to express itself. There is something in all of us that yearns to be expressed, something essential to our being that needs to be addressed. In our culture, there is so much focus on solutions, on tools and tips for successful living, that there is little space for just being, for just speaking how it is. If I speak of my pain, and you comfort me or suggest ways I could address the situation, then the part of me that yearns to express itself fully, cannot be articulated in that context, and the opportunity for me to be fully heard is missed.

Why does that matter?

Well…… by only focussing on the external, on outcomes, not only does the soul not get expressed, but also performance becomes limited by what we think is acceptable, by what fits into our pictures of how we should be. So, for example, in a culture where it is not acceptable to speak of feeling unmotivated, or resigned, where there is no space to express “negativity”, we can end up with half-heartedness, lack of energy, resentment, and all of these impact heavily on performance. Generally speaking people perform better when they have a sense of purpose.

And for people to have a sense of purpose, they need to have their own personal sense of meaning, which comes from feeling that they are fully expressed, that it is OK for them to be who they are, warts and all.

© Aboodi Shabi - 2004